A combination of things have been ruminating around in my brain and I discovered something that I had not thought of before. A combination of ideas that came together that shifted my perspective. Throughout my practice I keep a sketchbook and I often use mind mapping to try to make connections and write things down to see them in a new way. This record shows that when I think about consciousness I always seem to approach it in a segmented way, for example, conscious/ unconscious, private/public, inner/outer as if these things are their very own rooms.
They might be their own rooms but they all exists in one house, at the same time, all the time, not just some or part of the time, they are always there. The rooms all exists at the same time.
With this metaphor it's easy to imagine oneself being in one room at a time, it might even be possible to imagine oneself with a foot in two of the rooms. Although right now I am imagining I am the house, I embody all the rooms, the rooms are me, all the time, no matter where I go. These ideas of self are me and I can't not be in the rooms if I am the rooms. Can I?
Whether I'm alone or if I'm being witnessed I am all these places, thoughts and choices. I've never felt quite this awake about how people exist in multiple dimensions. It makes turning your head a much bigger project than if you were just one thing. I talk about using precise and spontaneous methods in my work to create line and emotive content. The precise is what I know, what I control, how I construct something and the spontaneous is how I don't control something, how forces outside my physical presence and knowledge react, respond, affect what I have done up to the point I no longer try to create precision.
The process of not being in control happens to life all the time; things happen involuntarily in our biology, environment, evolution, education that construct culture in a way that is the path of least resistance, practical, functional and surely loads of other adverbs that are logical. What I find interesting is this cocktail of being aware of being in simultaneous places and spaces with precision and chaos. This is a process of life, and it's constantly changing and staying the same. Staying the same as in your personal history but transforming because what you learn and the different perspectives you gain the more experience a person has. It makes the past look like a whole new landscape.
The inner landscape has just evolved inside me, it feels vaster than it did when I closed my eyes and could feel infinite space. It's an unfamiliar lense that I have been wearing, it makes the world move in slow motion, the past, present and future all in stride.